Are you here or are you… there?
One of my daughters, currently in her final year of high school, said something to me recently that literally broke my heart. “I’m not making memories, Mom.” Wow. Ugh. So profound, so honest and so incredibly tough to hear as a parent. The life of young people right now is frighteningly listless. And when I think back to my Grade 12 year, I could weep for all the “living” she is missing out on (not all of it good of course, but still raw, real and far from the locked down, screen-dependent existence she's currently experiencing).
Her comment sparked a lot of thinking for me including anxious ruminations about what the impacts of this current reality will be on the young people of today. But I’ve also been engaging in more productive self-reflection about what kind of memories I am making for myself. Am I just biding my time through this challenging period, waiting for it to be over, or am I deliberating engaging in the here and now, and doing my best to get the most out of this minute?
The answer is sometimes. Sometimes I manage to keep myself “here”, because I’m so much better at practicing this than I used to be. But there is lots of room for improvement as I’m still prone to letting time wash over me as I wait for something better, in some other time… “out there”. I think about when the weather will be warm again and how much better that will be. I think about feeling carefree on a vacation somewhere far-flung that I needed a long plane ride to get to. I imagine all the fun get-togethers and missed birthdays I’ll be able to celebrate – unmasked. And I also think about how awesome it will be to work with people again in the same room, shoulder to shoulder, solving a challenging problem.
No surprise, I’m wishing for this pandemic to be over – but what “memory-making” opportunities am I missing out on by checking out of now, in favour of some utopian “destination happiness” that may, or may not transpire in the future? Which raises another question about how we seem to set ourselves up by valuing some memories over others – like how we assume a vacation, or a party is somehow going to be more memorable than that quiet, snowy day with many cups of tea and great book, or that powerful conversation we had with a coaching client via Teams.
Our lives may have contracted these days, and there is no question that many of our memories from this time will be sad ones (death, illness, job loss, isolation, civil unrest – it’s a dark time to be sure). But what are we doing about the rest of the time? How are we working to actively cultivate memories and experiences worth recalling – even if they’re simple, unostentatious?
I’m liking these question to help me stay where I am, and strive to get the most out of the moment, instead of wishing it away. I hope they’ll help you too.
· Where am I now – here or out there?
· How can I do more to bring more attention and engagement into this present (imperfect) moment?